Skip to main content
1:35 am
the sadder i get. and then the sadder i get, the more i want to be with you... right now. now? well, yeah, i mean-- whoa! whoa. all right. this is great. it'll be, like, completely spontaneous, like i-- why are you talking? i'm sorry. i just-- ♪ so it turns out that going-away sex is even hotter than make-up sex. it's like these chips. they say, "now even crunchier." and you're thinking, "oh, man, there is no way." but then you take a bite, and it is crunchier. dude, if something's crunchy, you should really have that looked at. there's no time, my friend. i have a distraught neighbor girl to attend to. dry your eyes, baby, the lovin's on its way!
1:36 am
(gasps) toe ring. oh, fez, you like? yeah, got a toe ring. on the little piggy that went to the market. steven, what do you think? (thinking) can't resist toe ring. whatever. well, you know, i have all sorts of things now that i didn't have when we were going out-- toe ring, tan lines, a tattoo. you don't have a tattoo. you're bluffing. do you have a tattoo? we're not going out, so you'll never know. oh, this bra is so uncomfortable. i think i'm gonna stop wearing them altogether. see ya. look at you watch her. you love her, man. "oh, baby, i love you so much."
1:37 am
were you doing jackie? yes. yes. why am i even thinking about her? man, she's like tahiti-- it's warm and it's beautiful, and you want to go there, but when you do, you get bit by a mosquito, and you get malaria and you're sick for the rest of your life. well, she's obviously not over you either. i mean, she practically put on a show to get your attention. oh, just imagine it... ♪
1:38 am
i love to dance. okay, the doctor wins. man, look at all this. boxed u it's like dean martin exploded. there were bottles in the liquor cabinet, the dining room hutch, my mom's nightstand. oh, no. no. that's for polishing furniture. mom, there's lipstick on it. just your luck, forman. you're about to turn 18. there's gonna be no hooch left in the house to steal. i mean "avoid."
1:39 am
do homework next to? pray near? come on! yeah, it's gonna be pretty boring around here. you know what you should do? go to college. mom, would it be too much to ask for dad to be grateful that i'm staying? honey, we're all going through hard times. you're giving up your future. i'm giving up my schnapps. let's not compare our pain. ♪ hey, sorry i'm late. donna was really upset about leaving, so i had to comfort her in a bedular way. turns out, if i get her sad, she gives it away like goldfish at a frickin' carnival. eric, i think you may have found the secret open sesame to sex-- make the lady cry.
1:40 am
hmm, perhaps i should try that with my wife. "laurie, here's a dead cat. now do me." little history, fez-- i think laurie has a lot of open sesames, like, "hi, laurie." that usually does it. actually, i only ever got as far as "hi." fez, i did it with your wife! yeah, i have so much power over donna now it's like...i know how obi-wan kenobi feels. "these aren't the droids you're looking for." man, i wish i could do it with donna in a landspeeder on tatooine. that'd be so awesome. hey, steven, check out my new super-sexy tattoo. hard to keep your hands off, huh? steven!
1:41 am
sorry. here's the tattoo back. i'll take that. steven, why are you being so difficult? jackie, no amount of tattoos or toe rings are gonna fix the fact that you have a lot to apologize for. you're the one who should apologize. then i guess we're not getting back together. i guess we're not. oh, and, by the way, you don't deserve a real tattoo. but if i were to get one, i'd show it to fez before i'd ever show it to you. i hope she gets it on her heinie. [ female announcer ] introducing the windex touch-up cleaner. dab it... clean it... done.
1:42 am
it's a one-handed clean from windex... ♪ ...that stays out to kill 99.9% of bacteria... ♪ ...and quickly clean so you keep moving. what do we call this new dance move? the windex tush-up. [ female announcer ] the all-new windex touch-up cleaner. sc johnson. a family company.
1:43 am
♪ he wasn't getting the necessary nutrients, so my pediatrician recommended pediasure. [ male announcer ] pediasure is a source of complete, balanced nutrition to help support healthy growth and development. pediasure. the #1 pediatrician recommended brand. could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. yep, everybody knows that. well, did you know some owls aren't that wise? don't forget i'm having brunch with meghan tomorrow. who? meghan, my coworker. who? seriously? you've met her like three times. who? (sighs) geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know.
1:44 am
hehey pumpkin bear - somethingm thhappen??al? i sent you like... a 100 texts. jerk!! jerk! what?? oh hey! they're coming in now, sweety.. wait. fell off you bike? ? you broke your arm?? going to hunt me down! all caps.. two years is too long to wait.. upgrade when you want, not when you're told.d. get the samsung galaxy s4 for zero down at participating t-mobile stores now. five oceans. seven continents. whatever it takes. wherever it takes us. america's navy. a global force for good. ♪ jackie, it really bugs me that you and hyde aren't back together. so as the man who used to pleasure you endlessly...
1:45 am
i feel it is my obligation to step in and fix this. 'cause when i'm a cop, i'm gonna have to deal with domestic cases like this all the time. and the good news is, he'll have guns. yeah, this is gonna be a piece of cake. they should've put me in charge of vietnam. i would've had those people making out in a week. wow. donna, that might be the last time that you'll ever get to see kelso make an even bigger mess of a problem. yeah, i'm gonna miss that. and i'm gonna miss you. well, i'm not gonna miss you two slobbering all over each other like fat girls in a house with free meat. and that might be the last time that jackie ever makes fun of us, fat girls, and meat. yeah.
1:46 am
(sighs) what? nothing. i just-- this could be the last time that you and i stand by the vista cruiser. i just waxed her. she's all slippy-slidy. donna, this might be the last time that i bring you your toothbrush. that's not my toothbrush. might be the last time that i bring you the wrong toothbrush. ♪ hello, darling. i see you are washing your unmentionables. yeah, do you know what gets out grass stains and kahlua? anyway, i was thinking how sad you must be, considering the mess you made of your life. with all that sadness,
1:47 am
do you also not gneedy? you know, i sort of do. ali baba, the treasure is mine! i'm gonna go see if carlos is home. that carlos is one lucky s.o.b. to have a wife like mine. ♪ look, hyde, i know you don't want to tell jackie that you're sorry, but, come on, there's got to be some things that you did that you wish you hadn't done. like that time that you told me to eat that stuff, and i didn't know what it was. then you licked your lips and you rubbed your stomach and you were like, "mmm, it's really good, kelso. and then i ate it, and then i wished i hadn't done that. yeah, well... maybe with jackie i was sort of impetuous, and maybe a little rash. see, that's something that jackie ought to know. hyde says that he was sort of infectious
1:48 am
and he has a rash. what? i'm just telling you what he said. all right, look, michael, steven's the one who messed up the relationship. he thought you and i were together, but he was just wrong. he fabricated the whole mess. well, somebody ought to make that clear. jackie wants you to know that there was a mess 'cause she was wearing the wrong fabric. that can't be what she said. it's word for word, man. kelso, would you get out of here? i'm helping. you're making me wanna kick your ass. that better be the rash talking. busted, mister.
1:49 am
you're like a damn cat. i'm gonna make you wear a bell. bad health in a can. that's what that is. the doctor said he wants nothing like that around here, and i agree. all it takes is just-- it's a little bit of willpower, red. even though you used to do something without thinking, you just--you have to grab ahold of those thoughts. can i get you a refill there? well... there's a lesson for you. you're welcome. hey. oh, hey, listen, son. you know, it means a lot to your mother, your staying here and helping out the family. and, uh...
1:50 am
as for me, i... well, uh... there. doctor said i should write down my feelings. are you actually thanking me? this is a list of yard work. yeah, the lawn thanks you for all that mowing you're gonna do. you're welcome, dad. yeah, well... all right, we're both men here. ♪ oh, god. what's wrong? nothing. it's just... this could be the last time that... you and i watch gilligan get hit on the head by the skipper. eric, the more we talk about me going away,
1:51 am
the sadder you get. and being with you so much lately has been great, but afterwards... well, you always used to look a little bit ashamed, and, i mean, now you just seem depressed. no, no, no. i'm not depressed, donna. you are depressed. okay, let's do this. okay, hold on. all this "last time" stuff, have you been saying that just for sex? what? have i--what? (imitating obi-wan kenobi) this is not the one you're angry with. you're disgusting. eric, that might be the last time we fight about you trying to get me to have sex with you. i know!
1:52 am
♪ you know, fez, this whole thing with hyde and jackie's stupid. i mean, they both want to be together, and they would in a second if they just thought the other one had said "i'm sorry." eureka, fez! eureka! i'm one step ahead of you, my friend. i'll lie to both of them and tell them the other one said "i'm sorry." oh, i thought wewe were going to pan for gold. okay. okay, here we go. let's make up. all right, look, steven, i heard what you said. yeah, i heard what you-- wait a minute. you heard what i said? yeah, michael told me. and just so you know, i'm sorry, too. too? no, you're not sorry, too. you're sorry one. i'm sorry two. wait. what? no, michael said that you said-- yeah, he said that-- whoa! i did my work. you two gotta clean this mess up yourselves.
1:53 am
so nothing's changed then? guess not. forget this. okay, enough. look, you guys, who cares who apologized first? look, jackie obviously wants to be with you, and you're here, which means that you want to be with her. and i don't blame you, 'cause with that rash, you ain't got a whole lot of choices. all right, look, steven, do you want to be with me? no. no, a shrug's not gonna cut it. steven, i need you to say something. all right, look, i'll even go first. steven, i want to be with you. and you... i... can you hang on a second? would you get outta here? if you want me to leave, all you have to do is say "please." fine. please. ohh! that's better. jackie, i do want to be with you. because you lo-- don't push it. okay.
1:54 am
if there's a way to take corn on the cob, and make it even better with a packet of hidden valley original ranch? well...i'm all ears. ranch corn hidden valley it. so you can fuel more than your car. get 5% cash back at gas stations this quarter. activate your 5% cash back at chase. so you can.
1:55 am
1:56 am
♪ you have to let me know ♪ so i don't make my worst mistake ♪ ♪ turn around and let you go [ female announcer ] when sweet and salty come together, the taste is irresistible. made with sweet, smooth peanut butter and salted, roasted peanuts. sweet and salty nut bars by nature valley. nature at its most delicious. and now try our new chocolate pretzel nut bar by nature valley.
1:57 am
closed captioning brought to you in part by... and now try our new chocolate pretzel nut bar he wasn't getting the necessary nutrients, so my pediatrician recommended pediasure. [ male announcer ] pediasure is a source of complete, balanced nutrition to help support healthy growth and development. pediasure. the #1 pediatrician recommended brand. what? me? beer? kitty threw away all my beer. the packers are down by 11, you're 18, i know you have beer, so where's your beer? i don't want used beer. well, i might have a couple fresh ones in the shower. yeah, i'm runnin' low. i should probably hit the store. captioning provided by alva captioned by the national captioning institute
1:58 am
1:59 am
discover the champion in you! . . (applause) . well, god bless you! it's always a joy to come into your homes. and if you're ever in our area, please stop by and be a part of one of our services. i promise you we'll make you feel right at home. but thanks so much for tuning in today. and thank you again for coming out. i like to start with something funny. and i heard about this archeologist from new york. he dug down ten feet and found traces of copper wiring dating back a hundred years. he concluded that new yorkers had a telephone network over a hundred years ago. not to be outdone, an archeologist from california dug down 20 feet and found copper
2:00 am
wiring dating back two hundred years. he concluded that californians had a massive communication network a hundred years before the new yorkers. upon hearing this, bubba from texas, dug down 30 feet on his farm and found absolutely nothing. he concluded three hundred years ago, texans had already gone wireless. (laughter) all right! hold up your bible, say it like you mean it. this is my bible. i am what it says i am. i have what it says i have. i can do what it says i can do. today i will be taught the word of god. i boldly confess: my mind is alert. my heart is receptive. i will never be the same. in jesus' name. god bless you. i want to talk to you today about something that you've never seen. i grew up in a minister's home
2:01 am
and we always had church and auditoriums and traditional sanctuaries. that's what everybody did. but in 2005, god gave us this beautiful facility. now, we have church in a former sports arena. that's something that i had never seen. i worked 17 years behind the scenes at the church doing the television production and i thought that's how i would spend my life. but when my father went to be with the lord, i was suddenly thrust into this position. now, instead of being behind the cameras, i'm in front of the cameras. that was something i had never seen. in 2009, the new york yankees were about to open their new baseball stadium. one of their staff members called and asked if we would come and hold a night of hope. the first non-baseball event in the new stadium. out of all the entertainers, musicians, artists, in the world, they called a minister.
2:02 am
that was something i had never seen. i want you to get this down in your spirit. god is about to do something in your life that you've never seen. (applause) i'm not just sharing another message. i'm speaking prophetically. god is about to take you where you could not go on your own. god is about to show you favor in ways that you've never imagined. it's going to be unprecedented, out of the norm, unlike anything that you've seen. maybe you've struggled in your finances for years. you can't seem to get ahead. one step forward, two steps backward. no, god is about to show you abundance like you've never seen. he's about to increase you to where you have overflow. you lend and not borrow, not burdened down by debt and lack. some of you have fought depression, discouragement, your whole life. that dark cloud follows you around.
2:03 am
and you think that's the way it's always going to be. no, take heart. god is going to show you joy like you've never seen. that spirit of depression, discouragement, is being broken. god is going to release a new happiness, a passion that you've not experienced before. maybe you've struggled with an addiction, a bad habit for a long time. be encouraged. god's going to show you freedom that you've never seen. some of you have felt a little insecure, intimidated, like you don't quite measure up. you think that's the way you'll always live. no, god's about to show you a confidence, a boldness, where you can step into the fullness of your destiny. god is saying "creativity like you've never seen." "promotion, opportunity, like you've never seen." "healing, restoration, favor, like you've never seen." that's the promise god made in exodus 34:10. "i will do great things that
2:04 am
i've never done before anywhere on earth." we've all seen god's goodness in the past. every one of us can say, "god has blessed us, promoted us, protected us." but what god is about to do is going to be unprecedented. now, all you've got to do is say, "yes, lord, this is for me today. i receive this into my spirit." see, your mind will try to talk you out of it and tell you all the reasons why it's not going to happen for you. you're too old, too young, you've made too many mistakes, you don't have the education. if you were just a different nationality, if you just knew the right people. no, listen, god is not limited by your age, education, your connections, your resources. in spite of what you have or don't have, you need to get ready. god is about to show you something that you've never seen. he's about to take you where you could not go on your own.

Right This Minute
CBS August 25, 2013 1:35am-2:05am EDT

News/Business. (2013) New. (CC) (Stereo)

TOPIC FREQUENCY Steven 5, God 4, Eric 3, Lord 2, Jackie 2, New Yorkers 2, Fez 2, Michael 2, Donna 2, I. 2, Meghan 2, Yankees 1, Bible 1, Alva Access 1, Ahold 1, Runnin 1, Goldfish 1, Hyde 1, The Treasure 1, Ali Baba 1
Network CBS
Duration 00:30:00
Scanned in Annapolis, MD, USA
Source Comcast Cable
Tuner Channel 77 (543 MHz)
Video Codec mpeg2video
Audio Cocec ac3
Pixel width 528
Pixel height 480
Sponsor Internet Archive
Audio/Visual sound, color

disc Borrow a DVD of this show
info Stream Only
Uploaded by
TV Archive
on 8/25/2013